It’s Not God

I don’t want to write about race.

But it’s all I talk about these days with anyone, including God.  I’m beginning to bore myself.

I once told a friend that God and I were on the outs at the moment.  I said, “I’m so pissed I can’t even talk to God anymore.”

You know what that joker told me? “It’s okay.  God understands.  God loves you enough to understand your anger, too.”

I near ‘bout split my pants, like a cartoon character with smoke rolling from her ears, face changing colors. The nerve.  How dare you understand…don’t understand!  Do something.

Instead I sighed, “I used to be an activist”.

Can you ‘used to be’ anything?  Can you stop caring when your calling is no longer easy or fun?  Mmm, that’s probably another post.

 But doing something was my specialty. I trained others to do their thing as well.   I lived and breathed Getting Things Done for America.

In any case, I spent the better part of every day pushing for inclusion and diversity for at least a dozen years.  It was exhausting, I worked myself near to death, and then I moved on, the way people do.  No big deal.  Except, coming to understanding with people from all different backgrounds beliefs and experiences changed me in some fundamental ways.   It makes you believe things you didn’t think of before.  Like, I believe in “judged not by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character”.

I really do.


 While I was getting things done, I  met people who were nothing at all like me, and worked with them or played with them or both.  And I withheld judgment, even  when we weren’t actually getting along in the day-to-day drama of getting things done. Not once did I have occasion to say, “We could be cool, but we just don’t have enough in common.”  Not once.  Because I learned that we all have so very much in common.  That human-ness that makes us misuse the free will God allows and use it to hurt others is the primary thing we  share.  Free Will.

It’s not God letting me down when things go crazy, as they most certainly have. It’s more obvious now than ever that things haven’t changed much since the Civil Rights Movement because of smart phones, and Ipads, and social media. It’s mankind.  With our ridiculous insecurities, fading hairlines, car notes, fears and fragile egos.  That’s not God.  That’s us.

Thanks, amen.

About thanks amen

Michelle is an artist from Milwaukee, Wisconsin whose professional experience spans working as an educator, nonprofit executive, and consultant. She has a fear of clowns and pecans, and works every day to listen at least twice as much as she talks.
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